If the avoidant avoids, the anxious preoccupied chooses a partner that is forever on the verge of leaving them or treat them inconsistently. You’ll remember from my previous post that the dismissive tends to thrive in these hot/cold relationships, where they constantly withdraw from a partner who’s about to come too close for comfort. Well, […]
Have you ever had someone telling you: “I’m fine, everything is perfectly fine”, and yet, their life seems to look like a battlefield that never ever ends? From my current perspective and understanding of life, emotional unavailability seems to almost be a default in human beings, whether it is lived as a dismissive/avoidant or as
There seems to be a fascination in humans, similar to a stubborn program bug, that makes people unwilling, unable and/or unsuccessful in acknowledging patterns that are not bringing them what they seemingly want. It seems to be too painful for people to just stop and become clear about how it is that they are bringing
Let’s say you are a single woman and you meet a guy. Let’s assume you are attracted by this guy. What is attraction really? Some instinctual part of your brain is going to communicate to you that you and this guy can create something unique – usually, it is a child, but it can be
It’s pleasant outside. If you go to the park, you’re going to see a lot of moms proudly walking their baby in his pushchair. If you look at the baby, let’s say it’s a baby boy, he is literally scanning his mother’s body language, with a particular emphasis on the face. In the first months
My entire work, both personal – inner-work and the work I do with my clients, is focused on seeing through the recoils of the mind around its own mischievousness. More clearly, I focus on seeing for myself and show other people how and where they are lying to themselves. This is one of the most
The last few years have helped me see and understand more about what is real and what is not real. First, I understood that the I I was operating from, that the I I was using to assess life, was flawed – filled with wounds, projections, dejections and so on. That was a crucial shift
This is not for everyone. If your life is manageable, if the discomfort you carry is background noise rather than a constant presence, this will probably feel extreme. That is fine. You can put it down. But if you have been living with a particular kind of suffering for years, something that has not resolved,
There is no attracting something. There is only creating something. And what you are creating is not chosen freely. It is generated by a system of patterns, emotional and mental, that has one primary function: to reproduce what it already knows. Patterns are not oriented toward healing or growth. They are oriented toward safety. And
In meditation, something becomes visible that is difficult to name at first. The body is not neutral. It is not resting in stillness. It is reaching. Quietly, insistently, it leans toward something. And when you stay with it long enough to see what it is leaning toward, you realize it is reaching for fear. For